Stories about Jay
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Read Shira Lee's blog post about Jay:
https://lotteryofman.wordpress.com/2018/06/09/gentle-gentleman/
Jay: A Remembrance
By Mark R. Lee
Growing up, the most fun kid in the neighborhood, probably the world, lived next door. If you “happened” to be outdoors when he came home from work, he would sometimes play with you right away. If you happened to have an old tennis ball with you, he would entertain you by throwing equally well with both arms, a skill I assumed he taught himself so that he could entertain us.
Kids rarely, if ever, come home from work, but he was definitely a kid. How else would you explain the pool table, much less the electric trains? Or the fact that he giggled at the slightly naughty, lame jokes that all of the pre-teen boys laughed at? Or his silly long running gags – gags that never failed to crack me up.
The kid next door was peculiar in one way. No matter what you did or failed to do, he was your friend; he loved you.
One of his favorite long running gags had to do with age. On each of my birthdays, as far back as I can remember, he told me that I was catching up with him. His proof: my age as a proportion of his age got bigger every year. Soon, he assured me, I would be older than he was.
I am very sad that I won’t have the chance to make that come true, but I take some comfort from the fact that the most fun kid in the neighborhood, probably the world, lived next door.
From Adam Goodman:
Shira is much better at writing this sort of remembrance than I imagine I could ever be, and she's certainly spot on in calling Jay a 'Gentle Gentleman':
There was a point in my childhood when Jay took it upon himself to teach me some basic table manners - I was given, for example, to holding my fork in a balled-up fist, ready to viciously stab my dinner. He'd correct me just by clearing his throat and giving me a brief, disapproving look. I remember feeling a bit put-out that someone else was telling me what to do, but I did my best to keep that to myself. How could I be mad at Jay, when Jay was - as far as we could tell - never mad at anyone?
At the same time, though, he was also an inveterate trickster and joker. Seated next to him at the dinner table, you'd look away for just a second only to find your entire meal had disappeared! (Later, he'd let the dog perform the duties of 'dishwasher' and pretend to return the plates to the cupboard).
After being diagnosed with CLL 20 years ago, he and his oncologist would begin every visit - whether things were going well or not - by exchanging all their best jokes. Jay made friends with everyone, even when circumstances were trying.
Today was my first fathers' day with one fewer father in my life. Jay's memorial service last Friday had twice the expected attendance (standing room only!); he was a bright spot in the lives of so many, and the world is a dimmer place without him.
From Maura Bonnarens (a note to Ruby):
Jay was simply an amazing individual. I feel truly honored and blessed that he took me under his wing back in the summer of 1986….a recent grad with no experience. Certainly he helped me grow technically, but he taught me so much more that is important!!
He taught me the importance of work life balance. That family comes first. The love he had for his family was tangible. He would glow when he would talk about you and your children and grandchildren! It was obvious you were his priority!
He taught me the importance of integrity. Jay was a man of his word. When we made a proposal, we followed through on it. We did the best quality work and if we underbid the project, so be it – the client never knew.
He taught me patience. And boy was he patient with me! From my absolute struggles with producting drafting quality printing, to bringing he kitten I rescued to the office so I could feed it during the day from a bottle since it had not been weaned yet, Jay would smile and just shake his head…
He taught me the importance of celebrating. From his joining in enjoying donut holes and champagne in the office when I first used my engineer’s seal on drawings, to the never-to-be-forgotten anniversary celebration you both hosted at the art museum, Jay always was ready to stop and recognize the important moments in life.
He reinforced the importance of exercise and taking care of yourself. His twice weekly swims were legendary (I do them now, too) and though I always found his drinking hot water odd, I’ve myself found the joy of doing the same thing. Go figure.
He taught me the importance of confidentiality. When twice I needed to take extended leaves from work, there were no detailed questions asked, simply an acknowledgement of the need and a strong show of support and trust in granting me that leave.
He taught me unconditional love. I recall at one point discussing a job for which we were preparing a proposal, and I stopped myself and said something like “Oh, there I go again. Lawrence says I am contrary for the sake of being contrary” which was a new revelation about me that I was trying to correct, and Jay just leaned back and looked at me with his smile and said, “yes?”. In other words, he had seen that in me already for many years and still loved and accepted me for it! It was such a powerful, moving and meaningful moment in my life.
He taught me the importance of humor. When he took two back-to-back extended vacations early in my years working for him, I jokingly put a “For Lease” sign on his office door. All the office thought I had gone a bit too far…until we came in to work Monday morning and found a “Leased” sign tacked over mine! He had been in over the weekend and could not resist carrying the joke further. That was Jay.
My dad died when I was five. I believe that God brought me to Jay so that I could not just be mentored to be the best engineer I could be but to be the best person I could be. Jay was truly like a father for me.
All that Jay taught me – which is so much more than what I have written here – lives on in me and I will continue to do my best to carry his spirit forward in all that I do and pray that I can do for at least one other person what Jay so generously did for me – love me unconditionally and give me the space and the freedom to excel.
From Jay's great niece Aislinn:
I remember Uncle Jay as very kind and very playful man. Besides entertaining us kids at all kinds of family events with the challenges of learning how to balance spoons of the ends of our noses (a valuable skill I'm not sure I would have otherwise acquired), and to contort our faces into a gurn (which almost no one did so well as he) I have an especially fond memory of one winter when we were visiting St. Louis and invited Uncle Jay to go tobogganing. It must have been a week-day and Uncle Jay explained that unfortunately he had to work and wouldn't be able to join us. So we were very surprised when he showed up at the hill, and with a big wooden toboggan tied to the roof of his car! When asked why he came after all he said something like, "how often do I get invited to go tobogganing with my great-nieces and nephew?" He rearranged his work schedule because he didn't feel right turning down the opportunity for that shared time together (and fun!).
THE GAME OF STICK
by Nat Siddall
This excellent game was jointly invented by Jay and Puella. Puella was the highly intelligent and delightful family mutt.
Jay prepared for the game by gathering a handful of sticks, while Puella eagerly watched. The first stick would be thrown, and Puella would run after it, in the ordinary dog manner. Instead of fetching the stick, Puella would bark excitedly and run back toward Jay. He would throw another stick.
As sticks were tossed about the yard, the dog would become more frantic, racing around in directions that increasingly had nothing to do with the location of the sticks, barking madly.
When all the sticks were thrown, Puella would run to and fro for a few minutes more, and then sit panting contentedly, watching as Jay walked around the yard and retrieved the sticks.
Jay will be missed, not least, by many dogs.